Sunday, December 25, 2005

RIP, Grandpa

On Christmas Eve, my family and I celebrated the life of my mom's father, Hat Ly. At the age of 96, grandpa accomplished more in his lifetime than I can even imagine for myself. He leaves behind 6 children, 11 grandchildren, and (so far) 3 great-grandchildren.

It's been devastating for me to witness the decline of his health in the past few years. I remember the strong and proud partriarch, who in his eighties, had the vitality of a man half his age. I remember the man who cared for me during the Khmer Rouge's reign. I remember the man who served as my surrogate father during my formative years. I remember the man who valued family above all else.

With all the stories and advice he tried to impart in me throughout my 30 years, 2 stick in my mind:
  • Spend less than you earn.
  • Marry a pretty girl.
Great advice, grandpa. Thanks for everything.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Kung Fu Hustle

Kung Fu Hustle is now one of my favorites. Action, comedy, and even a touch of romance.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Simplify in 2005

Selling and donating material possessions are easy. Removing parasitic relationships and draining friendships are much harder. I need to cut the cord sometime.

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Final Phase

I received official documentation from my former business partner of his intention to dissolve Oridian, Inc. What started out in July 2000 as a simple company turned out to be some of the best and most trying times of my professional life. No regrets, though.

I Still Hate Them

One of the joys of listening to the Yahoo! LAUNCHcast Radio stations is the ability to skip over Green Day songs. They annoy me more than Maroon 5. How can such lack of talent still sell CDs?

Friday, November 11, 2005

More Manageable

Last weekend, I owned six computers, three desktops and three laptops. That's just ridiculous, hardly conforming to my minimalist Buddhist upbringing. I promptly sold two desktops and managed to sell my old Compaq laptop today. I'm down to three, one for each major OS.

Three machines is probably two too many, but at least they double as space heaters in the winter. Now if only my Powerbook would make its way back from the repair shop, my family will be reunited.

Life Without Taz?

Out of curiosity, I researched the cost to remove Taz from my right shoulder through laser removal. Conclusion: 3-4 visits per color, at an average cost of $250/visit. Since the tattoo has three colors, the price ranges from $2,250 - $3,000. Wow. $100 to put on. $3,000 to take off. Taz will be with me for a while.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Technology Sucks

After upgrading to an 802.11g router, I was unable to get my Soundblaster Wireless Music device to connect. 2 hours wasted. Then 30 minutes later, my new Powerbook decided that it's not in the mood to boot up. This earned it a trip to the Apple Store this morning. It turns out there's a problem on the motherboard, necessitating a visit to the repair center. 3 hours wasted + 7-10 days of waiting time.

Why can't things just work and keep on working?

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Truth in Advertising

Signature line from a forum post:
Girls are:
- Single
- Attractive
- Stable
you can only pick two of the three

Friday, October 28, 2005

Birthday Message

Today is the sixth anniversary of the birth of my favorite (and only) niece. Happy birthday, Shannon. Her desire to trade her current godfather in for me puts a smile on my face. What a sweetie.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Thanks, Blue Cross Blue Shield

Terse and depressing:
You or your spouse will change rating age brackets on the effective date shown. Your new premium rate will be $[a lot more].

New Platform

Frustrated with the Inspiron 700m's tiny keyboard and half-size keys that are really important to software denizens, I sold the otherwise beautiful machine to a client. After exhaustive research, I decided to go with the 12.1" Powerbook. I was able to convince myself that I could accomplish 90% of my tasks on the Mac. Besides, this would be a nice switch for me and amazon.com has a $150 rebate on top of their low price. Then at checkout, amazon offered me a free 4-month trial of Amazon.com Prime, allowing me to have it shipped overnight for $3.99. I love these guys.

So, does anyone know the answers to the following questions:

o Is IE available for Tiger? If not, what are the workarounds? IE still has 90% marketshare and I build web applications, so I'd like a solution that doesn't involve using Remote Desktop to log into my Windows XP desktop.

o Is there Mac software that can play music I download from Yahoo Music Unlimited, the subscription service? Specifically, it has to play wma drm's.

Why You Should Train

After a summer of drinking and carousing, I thought it would be a good idea to participate in the Ride for Roses yesterday. With two week's rest from physical activity and an early bedtime on Saturday evening, I was ready to tackle the 100 mile course with corhorts 1 and 2. At the 35 mile mark, we had to decide between the 72 mile course and the 100 mile course. As I've undertained for every endurance event in my history, I sensed the upcoming pain of riding 28 extra miles with wind gusts up to 25 mph.

Despite Joy's protests, we rode the 72 mile course. As I antipicated, the lack of training caught up with me. At one point, I was drafting a 180+ lb woman and was unable to maintain the pace up a hill. What an ego blow. However, with the help of my teammates and a tailwind for most of the final 7 miles, I managed to reach the finish in one piece. 100 miles next year.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

High Road

George Steinbrenner takes a lot of criticism from fans, players, his staff, and other owners. However, I can't fault a guy who is obsessed with winning and will spend the money necessary to achieve that goal. As a fan, what more could you want from an owner? Of course, when the Yankees fail to win the World Series, the year is considered a failure.

Mel Stottlemyre, the Yankees pitching coach for the past 10 years, has decided not to return next season. Primarily, his cites the tension between Steinbrenner and his staff for the not returning, even taking shots at The Boss. Instead of engaging in banter through the media, Steinbrenner chose the high road and praised his former employee:
Mel Stottlemyre will always be a Yankee. When I purchased the ballclub more than 30 years ago, he was one of the team's true stars and leaders, and during his 10 seasons as pitching coach, we won six American League pennants and four world championships.

While it is no secret that I can be a very difficult boss, Mel has always conducted himself as a professional and a gentleman. I wish he and [his wife], Jean, much success and happiness in the future.

Whether you hate him or love him, you must admire the class.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Ink is Expensive

This article reveals the true economics of home photo printing:
Printers return relatively low profit margins. But the ink, ounce for ounce, is four times the cost of Krug Clos du Mesnil Champagne, which sells for around $425 a bottle. Ink is about the same price as Joy perfume, considered to be one of the more pricey fragrances, at $158 for a 2.5-ounce bottle.

Just as the internet increased the demand for printers and paper, digital photography will generate more money for photo labs.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

It's in the Genes

My soon-to-be 6 year-old niece was recently named the Student of the Month. Princeton class of 2017, here she comes. Rumor has it that her little brother is even more advanced that she was at the same age. I'm so proud.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Searching for New Digs

I've decided to move downtown. After living in the same house for over 4.5 years, I've found myself stuck in a rut. Dowtown living will offer restaurants, shops, and bars -- all within walking distance. But most importantly, it's an opportunity to try something different.

The bank has pre-approved me for a loan and I'm meeting with my buyer's agent tomorrow. Now if I could only wrap my mind around Austin downtown condo prices ...

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Random Act of Kindness

You know you're really drunk when a stranger finds you lying on your back on the sidewalk, hands you $20, and shoves you into a cab. Thank you, kind stranger.

Friday, September 30, 2005

My Harem

Joining Salma Hayek, Angelina Jolie, and Halle Berry in my harem is Jessica Alba. I love her.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

File This Under Obvious

A road bike does not get along with stairs, no matter how gradual the steps. I'm lucky to still have testicles.

Oasis (band) Sucks

I'm adding Oasis to my list of bands that suck. They played at ACL and everyone agreed they should not have been resurrected. Arrogance and shitty music are a bad combination.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Age Again

I'm too old for 8 hour drinking sessions divided between the ACL festival and downtown Austin. If only I could pay for sleep ...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Hurricane Rita

If Rita follows her predicted path, she will hit the Gulf Coast and reach Austin with 70 mph winds on Saturday. That may make it tough to attend the Austin City Limits festival this weekend. Not to mention my 65 mile ride in Waco. The good news is that my house is in no danger of being flooded.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Huh?

While cycling on a 30 mile paved trail, I encountered three large Vikings. Why would these costumed men walk the course on a sunny Saturday afternoon, shouting seemingly witty phrases to passer-bys. Yet another Californian eccentricity?

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Worthless League

I'm not the only one who believes the WNBA is worthless. Besides my mom, who follows her favorite Lady Huskies as they turn pro, I don't know of a single soul who would tune into a game. The athletes are smaller, slower, and less skilled than their NBA counterparts.

Thanks, Ronnie

Today, Ron Francis announced his retirement from the NHL.

Ron Francis was the captain of the now defunct Hartford Whalers during my childhood. I have fond memories of watching him, Kevin Dineen, and Ray Ferraro at the Hartford Civic Center as the Whalers perennially found a way to miss the playoffs. At the time, there were 5 teams in the Adams Division and 4 of the 5 made the playoffs.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Green F**cking Day

I hate Green Day. Their music sucks. They're untalented. Every time a Green Day song comes on, I just want to destroy everything involved in reproducing their horrid sound. Please stop buying their CDs. Eventually they will go away.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Revenge of the Nerds

Mark Cuban represents the ultimate Revenge of the Nerds story. He's a dot com billionaire who wisely took a huge chunk of his money and bought the Dallas Mavericks. Besides being unable to hit the apostrophe key, he writes an insightful blog. Here, he laments on having to release Michael Finley.

Let Me Get What I Wish For

An email exchange with a fellow mountain biker:

Then I hope for world peace, Bush's impeachment, and 57 virgins without having to become a suicide bomber.

ryin

--- [Fellow Mountain Biker] wrote:

> How funny is it that you mention riding in your message, and I get to
> see you the very same day at Walnut Creek. You should be careful what
> you hope for... Enjoy your day.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Holy Cow

I don't know if it's a pricing error or just cutthroat competition, but I was able to book a round-trip ticket from AUS to SJC for $110 on Continental. That's insane considering that it cost me about $30 to fill my 12-gallon gas tank this evening.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

I Give Up

There are certain battles that I just can't win. I've invested too much energy. Time to refocus on more fruitful pursuits.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Tie Your Shoelaces, Kids

This is just ridiculous:
A loose shoelace led to White Sox DH Carl Everett's groin pull Thursday. Everett tripped over his shoelace while taking his lead off first base, fell to the ground and suffered a mild strain in his right groin during the rundown that followed. He's expected to miss two or three games.
Everett's salary for 2005 is $4M, meaning that this shoelace incident is a $50K boo boo.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Notebook Extinction?

Does a desktop and handheld device make more sense than a notebook? This article cites one company that is attempting such a conversion with 700 employees. The desktop offers more power, has a longer lifecycle, and is cheaper to maintain. The handheld offers email, web, and IM - not to mention being a lot lighter and more portable than a notebook.

My notebook is up for replacement, but I may opt to go the desktop/handheld route.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Dell is OK After All

My Dell Axim X30 produces hissing sounds when it plays music files. Over the weekend, I was reminded of Dell's 1-year warranty. After two emails to support, I received this response:

I apologize for the problems you have encountered with your Dell Axim30. We appreciate the opportunity to work with you to resolve the situation.

I have submitted a request to ship the necessary replacement Axim30 to you for your satisfaction.

I could get used to this type of treatment.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Bad Idea

I'm here to testify that a banana flavored PowerBar washed down with a double Jack and Coke is a bad idea for a post midnight snack. Oh my tummy hurts.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Come On In

It only took 6 months, but I managed to leave my moonroof open during torrential downpours. In my '88 Accord, I didn't care. Having a new car is full of problems.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Bye bye, iPod

In an effort to experiment with the Yahoo! Music subscription service, I purchased the iRiver H10 20 GB to replace my iPod. For $60/year, or the price of 4 CDs, I will be able to fill my digital music player with the latest releases from trendy female singer/songwriters.

I'm sick of iTunes. What a piece of crap. Since the iRiver device is compatible with Windows Media Player 10, I won't have to install yet another music application. Microsoft may be monopolistic, but they do make my life easier. So here' s raising my middle finger to the iPod, iTunes, and their i-relatives. Enjoy your temporary market dominance. You will be Netscaped in due time.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

How To Save $1,500


  1. Have your trusty laptop display a catastrophic failure message upon boot.
  2. Panic.
  3. On your other computer, spend 3 hours researching the best replacement laptop.
  4. Ignore your research because Dell has a big coupon with free shipping. Moreover, Dell will double your memory at no charge.
  5. Order your $1,500 laptop from Dell.
  6. Curse at the fact that it will be a week before they ship it.
  7. Awake the next morning with a calmer head. Write down the error message and ask your good buddy, Mr. Google, for possible fixes.
  8. Mr. Google proves his worth by offering up a solution that remedies the catastrophic failure.
  9. Call Dell. Hope you get a representative who speaks a dialect of English you understand.
  10. Cancel your order from the previous night.
  11. Savor the $1,500 you just saved.


Sunday, June 19, 2005

Saturday with Sophie

Next to my niece, this is the cutest little girl. I was fortunate enough to be invited to her first birthday celebration.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Dumbass

I'm a dumbass. After avoiding this label for 29 years, the time has come to admit defeat. Years of priding myself on never losing a key or wallet will soon be replaced by the rapid onset of senility. But I'll probably forget about it, so it won't be that bad.

A few weeks ago I found myself downtown for a night of debauchery without identification. Today, the good folks at BlockBuster Video called to inform me that I forgot to put the DVD back in the case before returning it. And my favorite blunder of the week: I put my boxers on backwards this morning and didn't realize it until bedtime.

I should have done something productive with my life while I had the chance.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

What I Wear

An advantage of aging is caring less about what others think of me. At night, I'm comfortable going to the grocery store in my pajamas. I also have no problem answering the door for deliveries in nothing but my boxers. Now if I can be comfortable showing up in public with my morning hair, I will truly surpass the point of giving a shit.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

New Project

After purchasing a new receiver and speakers, I've realized that my mp3s encoded at 128 kb/s are the weak link in my music reproduction system. About a year ago, I ripped my collection of 250 CDs to mp3s. Now I use this Creative device, connected with an optical audio cable, to stream mp3s over my wireless network to my stereo system.

After some research, I've learned that I can rip my CDs to wma lossless using Windows Media Player. This will provide me with a mathematically lossless storage of my CDs onto my hard drive with a 2:1 - 3:1 compression ratio. Thus, the average CD will require about 300 MB of storage. The upside is that I can then use any number of available programs to convert this format to a lossy format (mp3, wma lossy, ogg, etc.) suitable for portable devices. The wma lossless files will also allow me to burn audio CDs. The best part is that my Creative device allows for the playback of wma files. Thus, playback of music through this wirelss device will not suffer from any degradation. Not that I could tell anyway, but at least I will know that my digital music isn't below par.

I've calculated that it will require about 75 GB of hard drive space and over 20 hours of rip time. Something has to keep me out of trouble. This should be the final time that I will have to rip my CDs.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Gender Equality?

How can you not laugh at the following?

I'd like someone to give me door-to-door chauffeur service, bring me presents, and pay for my dinner and entertainment, all for the possibility of sex, but with no obligation whatsoever. Let's be honest; if we did this, we'd be in jail for fraud.

Sometimes, it's just not fair.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

She Has a New Home

My bicycle fleet was reduced to three today as the Bridgestone RB-3 found a new home. Serve the cute blonde well in her triathlon endeavors, my faithful riding companion.



Watch out, downtown Austin. I'm now armed with additional beer money.

Monday, May 16, 2005

So I'm a Geek

While sitting at a coffee shop, I noticed the clumps of inflated balloons above me. Instead of wondering what the occasion is, I determined the ratio of deflated vs. inflated balloons. Then guessing at the half-life of inflated balloons, I worked out how long the balloons have been there. You just can't remove the geek from the boy.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

I Need a Fallback Job

For years, I've joked that I could always become a bicycle messenger if this whole computer thing didn't work out. The ubiquity of broadband has now made my fallback job not so realistic. This article cites statistics that every major city has seen a decline in the number of bicycle messengers.

Let's see ... I can boil water. Perhaps I could apply for a chef's position at The Boiling Pot.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Back in One Piece

Costa Rica is a beautiful country filled with friendly citizens. They don't even mind Americans. However, no matter where I travel, towards the end of the trip there's only one place I long to be - home. I'm glad to be back.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Humbling Moments

After participating in a 43 mile ride on Saturday, I honored a promise and ran the Capitol 10k the following morning. To add to the "Keep Austin Weird" theme, I ran in my flannel pajamas and pimp hat. Humbling moments during the run:
  1. While ascendinging a hill, I was passed by a man pushing not one, but two of his children in a carriage.

  2. I was beaten by a 200+ lb. man running in a terry cloth bathrobe.

  3. My mile average was TWICE of what it was when I was a high school senior.

My ego may never recover.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Chick Repellent

These t-shirts may be a bigger chick repellent than unicycles.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Curvaceous Contortionist

I saw Varekai, my first Cirque du Soleil show, on Saturday. While the acrobatics and death-defying acts were spectacular, nothing mesmerized me like the curvaceous contortionist. Oh my. She was far from the 50 lb. 10 year-old looking girl I was expecting. It felt like the scene in From Dusk Till Dawn when Salma Hayek's character conducted her entrancing dance.

Friday, March 25, 2005

What's the Point?

I spotted two unicyclists today and wondered, "What a fucking waste of time!" Why would anyone take up this activity? Unicycles are a worthless form of transportation. And with the exception of fanny packs, nothing screams, "I've never gotten laid" louder than riding a unicycle.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

New Diet

After reading Fast Food Nation, I took a full year off from McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, and their competition. Now having watched Super Size Me, I may give up fast food entirely. The health risks, depression, and addictive nature of sugars and processed foods are strong deterrents. However, the fear of joining the 66% of American adults who are overweight will keep me on the side of healthy foods and exercise.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Harold and Kumar

One of my favorite movies is now Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. This flick is hysterical. Complete with immaturity, racial jokes, boobies, Princeton, boobies at Princeton, Doogie Howser, and redemption for the browbeaten yellow man, this DVD will make its way into my collection. I haven't been this impressed with a film since White Men Can't Jump.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Not Fair

Where else but sitcoms would fat and ugly men have hot wives? Ray Romano with Patricia Heaton. Jim Belushi with Courtney Thorne-Smith. And at the top of the list, Kevin James with Leah Remini. Come on, networks, that's just not fair.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Something to Laugh At

This eBay invoice just cracks me up:

Inv # Title Qty Price
------ ------------------- -- ------
201922 AXIM X30 STYLUS 1 $ 0.24
202407 AXIM X30 9V Charger 1 $ 0.75

Subtotal: $ 0.99
Shipping & Handling: $ 9.98
Total: $10.97

As a percentage, the shipping and handling was 91% of the total. Just lovely. This shipping rate represents a discount, as I combined two items in one shipment.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Justice

While consuming a toasted sandwich at Subway, I celebrated as a fat and lazy American was cited for parking illegally in a handicap spot. This crime is one of the most inexcusable injustices in the world. Is 100 feet that far to walk?

Friday, March 04, 2005

Most Pitied $20M/Year Athlete

Chris Webber has been one of my favorite basketball players since his days with the Fab Five at Michigan. It's a shame to see him on the tail-end of his NBA career without a championship. The never-shy Jason Whitlock summarizes the missed potential that is quintessential C-Webb:

Chris Webber had the potential to become the best power forward the game has ever seen. He could've been as reliable in the low post as Kevin McHale, as consistent and relentless as The Mailman, as immovable as Wes Unseld. He could've been a terrific last line of defense.

Instead, C-Webb focused on redefining the position. C-Webb wanted to do a little bit of everything -- shoot the 3, lead the break, dish the ball behind his back and avoid the daily bump and grind of typical low-post play.

Consequently, Whitlock argues, Webber will be forgotten soon after his playing days. What a waste of athletic and intellectual gifts.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Just Bad Marketing

The following "code" fragment comes from dice.com, a technical recruiting company. Any software developer worth a grain of salt will recognize its stupidity.

if(threshold = salary_sucks) {
goto = dice.com();
} else {
suck.it.up;
}
end

First off, this isn't VB, so you need == for the comparison operator. Then there's the goto statement. Its presence is offensive enough, but to have the nerve to assign a function return value to it? The else statement would be OK if it were aligned correctly. What is the purpose of suck.it.up? At best, this is retrieving a property of a property on the suck object. Even so, the statement does nothing. What not make it a method invocation, like suck.it.up()? Finally, there's the end statement. What the hell is it ending?

So, Mr. or Ms. Marketer who dreamed up this ad, you suck. All you've done is caused a technical person to laugh at your incompetence.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Bluetooth in the Mainstream

While walking downtown, I spotted Leslie, the local eccentric, on Congress Ave. With the warm weather came his bikini bottom. Normally, the sight of a cross-dressing bearded homeless man parading through the center of the city draws attention. That's not the case with Austin. People go about their daily activities without continuously gawking at him.

What struck me this afternoon was that Leslie was sporting a bluetooth headset. Instantly, questions popped into my mind. Where does a homeless man receive his mail? Perhaps he has a PO Box. OK. Where does he charge his phone? Surely his cardboard box doesn't contain a generator. Finally, why doesn't my phone have bluetooth?

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Buyer's Remorse

I bought a watch to track my time around Town Lake - not so much for its timing features, but for its solar powered recharging capability and auto-illumination feature. I know, overkill. Not to worry, as the watch is headed back to Target tomorrow. It won't be long before I abandon this attempt at marathon training. And heck, everyone knows I don't have to be anywhere at a specific time. What was I thinking?

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Costa Rica

Watch out, Costa Ricans, I'm headed your way. Armed with useful phrases such as, "Me encantan tus tetas," I should charm the natives. That, or get my ass kicked. Now I need to get into hiking shape and brush up on my Spanish.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Why You Shouldn't Start an Internet Romance

"Here's an odd story from Jordan -- the country, not the former NBA great. A man and a woman began an illicit romance in an Internet chat that became so heated that they decided to make wedding plans. When they finally met in person, however, they realized they were already married ... to each other. Yes, you've heard the lower-tech version of this story before in Rupert Holmes' Escape (The Pina Colada Song), but unfortunately the real-life remake did not end as well. It sounds like they'll be getting caught in the rain alone from now on."

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Freedom

Of all places, my neighborhood newsletter contained a thought-provoking piece on freedom. When interviewed, a group of Mexican immigrants preferred the economic freedom of Mexico over the civil liberties of America. In their home country, they could swim, play, and eat at little to no cost. Here, the skyrocketing costs of everyday life make free speech and the right to vote luxuries reserved for the wealthy.

Monday, January 31, 2005

Heading Away from the Dark Side

My misbehaving iPod earned a trip to the local Apple Store. And my, what a candy store it is. Although I'm a die-hard PC devotee, I was still overwhelmed by the sheer elegance of the Apple products. In the past, the PC was the geeky little brother while the Mac was the pretty (if not flightly) sister. Now, the pretty sister has some brains. If Apple could find a way to reduce prices by a few hundred dollars, I would make the switch.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Most Depressing Day

A British pyschologist with too much time on his hands has calculated that January 24 is the most depressing day of the year. What's laughable is his attempt to devise a mathematical formula to support his claim.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

This Will Blow Your Mind (or Stomach)

These achievements from the world of competitive eating are truly staggering:

The top eater in the world is a 27-year-old, 132-pound Japanese man by the name of Takeru Kobayashi. His records include eating 53 1/2 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes; 69 burgers in eight minutes; and 20 pounds of rice balls in 30 minutes. Even more surprising might be the No. 2 eater: 105-pound Sonya Thomas of Alexandria, Va. The 37-year-old managed to eat 11 pounds of cheesecake in nine minutes; 167 chicken wings in 32 minutes; and a whopping 48 chicken tacos in 11 minutes.

Oh to have such a respected ability.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Call Off The Search

The US officially called off the search for WMDs in Iraq. Thanks for the timely resignation, W. You fucking moron. Inspired by this announcement, I'm withdrawing my name from the NBA draft. Although my chances of being drafted are higher than Bush's chances of finding WMDs, I know when to end my dreams.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Trash

My neighbors are continuing to try my patience. Several times a day I pick up trash emanating from their yard. It doesn't bother me that they have 4 cars in their driveway, of which only 2 work. Nor does the packing of 8 people into a 3 bedroom house raise my attention. What irks me is the trash on their lawn and curb that makes its way to my lawn. All I want is for them to contain their crap.

It's worse on trash days. The overflow befriends the wind and parties on my lawn. Apparently, a 60-gallon container can't contain their weekly trash. How about recycling? Or perhaps ... consuming less. My only solace is that they are renters and eventually their lease will run out.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Not So Deadly Weapon

My favorite item of the week is this santoku knife. I can't pronouce it either, but compared to the crap I've owned in the past, it's a godsend. And no, I'm not a blood-thirsty murderer. The knife is making meal preparation fun. So, if computers don't catch on and my dream of becoming a bicycle messenger gets squashed, I may try to become a chopper/slicer/dicer guy.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Bank on This

It's disconcerting to learn that Bank of America has been ripping me off for the past 11 months. While looking through my online account to verify that a check had been cashed, I noticed that my bank was charging me a gratuitous service fee. A little bit of research revealed that this has been happening for some time. An unsuspecting bank representative will be getting an earful tomorrow.

Be sure to look at your bank statements carefully. You just may find enough money for a round trip ticket to Vegas.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Out of the Business

As of today, I am out of the loan sharking business. My debtor repaid his loan, with interest, and I returned the title to his Mercedes. To excel at loan sharking, one must be both callous and unfeeling. Unfortunately, there's still a crevice in my heart that harbors sympathy and his little brother, empathy.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Friendster

It's been a while since I logged into Friendster; site performance just sucked. The speed of the new Friendster makes it fun again. Apparently, switching from jsp to php did the trick. So much for the promise of J2EE being a scalable architecture.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

One Strike in 2005

State Farm, the insurance company for the motorist who hit my car, informed me that my claim was being denied. The other motorist maintains that she had a green light when she t-boned my Civic. For her story to be plausible, I must have come to a complete stop at my red light, spotted her in the left most lane of a one-way road, and then timed my acceleration perfectly so that she would hit me smack on the driver's side door. Thus, I must be a brilliant physicist with suicidal tendencies. Damn bitch.

Now I have a $7,500 scrap of metal adorning my driveway. Instead of selling the car to a salvage yard for parts, I decided to donate it Habit for Humanity. They will auction it off and use the proceeds to help fund their non-profit organization.

Lessons learned:
o Carry collision on your vehicle. Without collision, your insurance company does not care about helping you seek damages. At one point I asked the GEICO representative, "So what you're telling me in a roundabout way is that you will do nothing on my behalf and that I'm SOL?" Response: "Yes, sir. That's correct."
o Get contact information for a witness at the scene, even if he's the solicitor by the side of the road.
o When your light turns green, look for drivers who believe that traffic signals are only suggestions. Do it twice.
o Just because the girl who hits you is cute, that doesn't mean she's not a lying bitch.

Despite this rant, I consider myself fortunate. I walked away from the accident without a scratch. And the old adage is true, "If your problem can be solved with money, it's not that interesting." My problem isn't that interesting.

Formula One Generosity

Sure he grossed $80 million in salary and endorsements in 2004, but Michael Schumacher has pledged $10 million to various tsunami relief funds. Even while earning $80 million in 2004, Schumacher was only the 2nd highest paid athlete. So, Mr. Woods, where are you in all this? Aren't you of Thai descent?

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Tsunami Relief

The death toll for the tsunami in South Asia has reached over 150,000, with an estimated 5 million left in need. A friend of mine is hosting a garage sale on Saturday, January 8, with all the proceeds going towards these charities. Please donate clothes, furniture, or any items that others may be interested in buying. The event starts at 2:30 pm CST and will be located here.

It's Coming Back

The stroke is back. In softball, that is. We won both games of our double header tonight and I hit better than I did in all of 2004. If things continue at this pace, I won't have anything to rant about.

Monday, January 03, 2005

So Far So Good

It's the first weekday of the year and I've started on the conditioning program. The goal is to exceed my college fitness. Good luck to me. The biggest challenge is staying motivated. I just hope my list of resolutions keeps me on track.

Face Analyzer

Raj pointed me to this face analyzer website. You upload a headshot and a sophisticated algorithm determines your intelligence, risk, ambition, gay factor, honor, politeness, income, sociability, and promiscuity. I would take this website more seriously if it didn't consider Sponge Bob to be more intelligent and honorable than yours truly. Bastards. More devastating, the algorithm determined that I was 78% Eastern European and 22% European. Please. Look at the slanty eyes.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Resolutions

I may be a day late, but I've finally written down my New Year's resolutions on my overpriced Pocket PC. This device is the most expensive notebook I've ever owned. On the bright side, the handwriting recognition still amazes me.

For 2005, my resolutions range from returning to a normal sleeping pattern (waking up before noon) to completing the Athens to Atlanta inline skating event (87 miles). Unlike last year, I'd like to accomplish more than 2 things on my list.

I'm off to an unexpected start in 2005. First, an inattentive girl t-boned my '98 Civic, forcing me to buy another car. And then I received a belated birthday/Christmas present that reaffirms my belief in making karma deposits throughout your life. I'm not sure how things will work out, but I'm still smiling.



Saturday, January 01, 2005

Moving

Due to overwhelming comment spam and a desire to try something different, I'm moving my blog here. If anyone knows how to migrate MovableType entries (and comments) to blogger, please let me know.