Heading Away from the Dark Side

My misbehaving iPod earned a trip to the local Apple Store. And my, what a candy store it is. Although I'm a die-hard PC devotee, I was still overwhelmed by the sheer elegance of the Apple products. In the past, the PC was the geeky little brother while the Mac was the pretty (if not flightly) sister. Now, the pretty sister has some brains. If Apple could find a way to reduce prices by a few hundred dollars, I would make the switch.

Most Depressing Day

A British pyschologist with too much time on his hands has calculated that January 24 is the most depressing day of the year. What's laughable is his attempt to devise a mathematical formula to support his claim.

This Will Blow Your Mind (or Stomach)

These achievements from the world of competitive eating are truly staggering:

The top eater in the world is a 27-year-old, 132-pound Japanese man by the name of Takeru Kobayashi. His records include eating 53 1/2 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes; 69 burgers in eight minutes; and 20 pounds of rice balls in 30 minutes. Even more surprising might be the No. 2 eater: 105-pound Sonya Thomas of Alexandria, Va. The 37-year-old managed to eat 11 pounds of cheesecake in nine minutes; 167 chicken wings in 32 minutes; and a whopping 48 chicken tacos in 11 minutes.

Oh to have such a respected ability.

Call Off The Search

The US officially called off the search for WMDs in Iraq. Thanks for the timely resignation, W. You fucking moron. Inspired by this announcement, I'm withdrawing my name from the NBA draft. Although my chances of being drafted are higher than Bush's chances of finding WMDs, I know when to end my dreams.

Trash

My neighbors are continuing to try my patience. Several times a day I pick up trash emanating from their yard. It doesn't bother me that they have 4 cars in their driveway, of which only 2 work. Nor does the packing of 8 people into a 3 bedroom house raise my attention. What irks me is the trash on their lawn and curb that makes its way to my lawn. All I want is for them to contain their crap.

It's worse on trash days. The overflow befriends the wind and parties on my lawn. Apparently, a 60-gallon container can't contain their weekly trash. How about recycling? Or perhaps ... consuming less. My only solace is that they are renters and eventually their lease will run out.

Not So Deadly Weapon

My favorite item of the week is this santoku knife. I can't pronouce it either, but compared to the crap I've owned in the past, it's a godsend. And no, I'm not a blood-thirsty murderer. The knife is making meal preparation fun. So, if computers don't catch on and my dream of becoming a bicycle messenger gets squashed, I may try to become a chopper/slicer/dicer guy.

Bank on This

It's disconcerting to learn that Bank of America has been ripping me off for the past 11 months. While looking through my online account to verify that a check had been cashed, I noticed that my bank was charging me a gratuitous service fee. A little bit of research revealed that this has been happening for some time. An unsuspecting bank representative will be getting an earful tomorrow.

Be sure to look at your bank statements carefully. You just may find enough money for a round trip ticket to Vegas.

Out of the Business

As of today, I am out of the loan sharking business. My debtor repaid his loan, with interest, and I returned the title to his Mercedes. To excel at loan sharking, one must be both callous and unfeeling. Unfortunately, there's still a crevice in my heart that harbors sympathy and his little brother, empathy.

Friendster

It's been a while since I logged into Friendster; site performance just sucked. The speed of the new Friendster makes it fun again. Apparently, switching from jsp to php did the trick. So much for the promise of J2EE being a scalable architecture.

One Strike in 2005

State Farm, the insurance company for the motorist who hit my car, informed me that my claim was being denied. The other motorist maintains that she had a green light when she t-boned my Civic. For her story to be plausible, I must have come to a complete stop at my red light, spotted her in the left most lane of a one-way road, and then timed my acceleration perfectly so that she would hit me smack on the driver's side door. Thus, I must be a brilliant physicist with suicidal tendencies. Damn bitch.

Now I have a $7,500 scrap of metal adorning my driveway. Instead of selling the car to a salvage yard for parts, I decided to donate it Habit for Humanity. They will auction it off and use the proceeds to help fund their non-profit organization.

Lessons learned:
o Carry collision on your vehicle. Without collision, your insurance company does not care about helping you seek damages. At one point I asked the GEICO representative, "So what you're telling me in a roundabout way is that you will do nothing on my behalf and that I'm SOL?" Response: "Yes, sir. That's correct."
o Get contact information for a witness at the scene, even if he's the solicitor by the side of the road.
o When your light turns green, look for drivers who believe that traffic signals are only suggestions. Do it twice.
o Just because the girl who hits you is cute, that doesn't mean she's not a lying bitch.

Despite this rant, I consider myself fortunate. I walked away from the accident without a scratch. And the old adage is true, "If your problem can be solved with money, it's not that interesting." My problem isn't that interesting.

Formula One Generosity

Sure he grossed $80 million in salary and endorsements in 2004, but Michael Schumacher has pledged $10 million to various tsunami relief funds. Even while earning $80 million in 2004, Schumacher was only the 2nd highest paid athlete. So, Mr. Woods, where are you in all this? Aren't you of Thai descent?

Tsunami Relief

The death toll for the tsunami in South Asia has reached over 150,000, with an estimated 5 million left in need. A friend of mine is hosting a garage sale on Saturday, January 8, with all the proceeds going towards these charities. Please donate clothes, furniture, or any items that others may be interested in buying. The event starts at 2:30 pm CST and will be located here.

It's Coming Back

The stroke is back. In softball, that is. We won both games of our double header tonight and I hit better than I did in all of 2004. If things continue at this pace, I won't have anything to rant about.

So Far So Good

It's the first weekday of the year and I've started on the conditioning program. The goal is to exceed my college fitness. Good luck to me. The biggest challenge is staying motivated. I just hope my list of resolutions keeps me on track.

Face Analyzer

Raj pointed me to this face analyzer website. You upload a headshot and a sophisticated algorithm determines your intelligence, risk, ambition, gay factor, honor, politeness, income, sociability, and promiscuity. I would take this website more seriously if it didn't consider Sponge Bob to be more intelligent and honorable than yours truly. Bastards. More devastating, the algorithm determined that I was 78% Eastern European and 22% European. Please. Look at the slanty eyes.

Resolutions

I may be a day late, but I've finally written down my New Year's resolutions on my overpriced Pocket PC. This device is the most expensive notebook I've ever owned. On the bright side, the handwriting recognition still amazes me.

For 2005, my resolutions range from returning to a normal sleeping pattern (waking up before noon) to completing the Athens to Atlanta inline skating event (87 miles). Unlike last year, I'd like to accomplish more than 2 things on my list.

I'm off to an unexpected start in 2005. First, an inattentive girl t-boned my '98 Civic, forcing me to buy another car. And then I received a belated birthday/Christmas present that reaffirms my belief in making karma deposits throughout your life. I'm not sure how things will work out, but I'm still smiling.

Moving

Due to overwhelming comment spam and a desire to try something different, I'm moving my blog here. If anyone knows how to migrate MovableType entries (and comments) to blogger, please let me know.